Eighteen - Take 2 - And A Whole Lot More...

So, I need to go back a few days here…

Thursday –  my first day of vacation – it was “Pamper Me Day” and it was delightful!!! I got my hair did at Taylor Made Hair Design – LOVE THIS GIRL!!!  Fingers and toes got special treatment at NJ Top Nails – this place was new to me. FANTASTIC service and affordable too! Coffee with my one and only sister Cindy-Lou-Who! Finally dinner with one of my BFF’s!! If I won the lottery – this would be my day, every day!!!

However I must back up just a wee bit more… See I may have celebrated the oncoming vacation a little much on Wednesday night… So imagine my surprise to wake after only 4 hours sleep and see FIVE texts, FIVE Facebook notifications, and ONE missed call on my phone. I’m groggy and hungover. I decide to start with the texts. Most recent first:

“:) OMG!! :) OMG!!”

Initial thought: WTH is she doing up at this hour!!

Anyway… Previous text…

“We got into Nike!!!!!!”

It took 3 hours for that text to set in! See, Nike is a Women’s half marathon that is SO coveted that they do a lottery to determine who gets to run it. Only 25,000 can run it each year. ONLY! I’m dying to know how many people register! Anywho – my favorite running buddy has been trying to get in for 5 years and finally, WE’RE IN!!! Let me share with you their email …

It goes on and on to tell me how they’re going to charge my account for this torture because I’m crazy, but that’s the gist of it  :)

Oh, perhaps I should mention that our medal comes in this…

But anyway…

Skipping ahead to Friday! Oh I relaxed! I window shopped! It was another delightful day!

Until…

I’m out on my run. Five miles. It’s doable. I’m kinda struggling. Tummy is a bit upset. I continue on.

4.something miles  - I meet the pavement!

I rolled my ankle on a pinecone?? Both knees got a wee bit of road rash. Garmin took the hit for my left hand. My right, however, HURTS!! Holding the cylindrical water bottle caused this hand to roll back into a very unnatural position. I pick myself up. Stop my Garmin. (Priorities). My hand throbs. Well hell. I have less than a mile to go. I wiggle my fingers as I run and determine I will survive. Oh my does it hurt. A little Neosporin and some ice and a good night’s sleep and I’m almost good as new.

Thank-freakin-goodness!!!

So, today.

Today was take-2 of my 18 mile run. There are no words. There is no comparison. First of all it was 41 when I left my house – 20 degrees cooler than last week!!!

We decided to run in Spokane since next week is Bloomsday, which is 7.46 miles and we need to complete 20. We figured we should map out a route.

Oh the nerves.

New territory? No house to stop in mid-point? We have to remember EVERYTHING we could possibly need?

I didn’t map out the course. Some friends did. I trusted them. I was given an index card with directions. Ooooh – like a scavenger hunt!! Get it right, you get a ride home. Get it wrong… um, it’s a long walk from North Spokane to my house!!! I best get it right!!

I take off… half a mile in… hill. BIG hill. You know, when someone works the streets of Spokane, you think they could mention there is a big ass hill on the route they suggested for you!!! Remind me to thank said friend next time I see him!!! (Editor’s note: apparently friend told us, we were just a little too excited to listen…)

I run and I walk and I run and I walk. I find a penny here and a penny there…  and then…

These kids tried to mug me for my pennies!!!

Three times!!!

I began to wonder what I would do if I found a penny in their claimed area. Would I give it to them? I mean, I’m all for helping kids. But really, they aren’t running 18 miles today. These pennies are mine!! Then I laughed. I was reminded of an outing in Seattle where my running buddy picked up 2 pennies, from the sidewalk, a few feet from a panhandling bum. Some stranger told her to give the bum the pennies. She might have responded that if he wanted them, he would have gotten off his tush and gotten them himself! Seriously, he almost could have reached him from his perch! I didn’t find any pennies here though. Dilemma resolved.

Somewhere I stopped my Garmin and forgot to restart it. UGH!! When you are running 18,000,000,000,000,000,000 miles, every 1/10^th on that Garmin counts! I got back to the car at 8.20. My running buddy had already been to the car and clocked it at 9.38. Crap! I lost over a mile!!!

I continued on. I’m slow. I’m blessed with many hours to think about many things. How I run. How my foot hits the pavement. How I should eat better. What color I should paint my bedroom. What to have for dinner. How we should do our community outreach for S2S this year. And on. And on. And on.

I get a text from my running buddy… she’s still looking for “Maxwell St.”… this really is a scavenger hunt! 

How fun!

Part of the fun of this course was we got to run DOWN Doomsday hill! I’ve never noticed how beautiful it is while crawling up it before…

Less than two miles to go and I’m dragging. I decide to walk along this trail we’ve seen runners on all day. Totally worth it for the view…

I finished up with a decent time. For me anyway. I felt SOOOO much better than last week!

I’m still scared to death of 26.2 miles.

It’s SO far!

Here are my winnings for today…

Note the index card in the back! I made sure not to lose it! I did NOT want to walk home!!!

Thank you for hanging out through this novel!

I revel in the support I get from my readers!!!

What do you mean I can’t have a nap…

… during a marathon??

18. Oh I cannot lie.

18 sucked.

In my opinion, today does not count.

First of all – due to the fact that neither of us has won the lottery, my running buddy and I had totally messed up schedules this weekend!! Therefore, she ran her 18 miles Saturday while I was at work, and well, I attempted 18 miles today.

Let me start with my day – well it started at 130 am – when my shift began - I prepared for a flight and talked to my crew and flight followed them until 730am when they finished up early, because they are awesome like that.

After a short nap, I started out on my run. My 1^st four miles were GLORIOUS!! Seriously, cloud 9! I couldn’t believe it. After that it got ugly. Very ugly. At 4 I stopped at Starbucks and used the restroom and refilled my water. At 6 I stopped at a friend’s to refill my water again.

At 7.5 I stopped to text my running buddy that I had curled up under a shade tree somewhere in the city limits. See, it was 70 degrees. Up from 61 when I started. Well above the 29 I’ve grown accustomed to running in. Not complaining here, but holy heat batman!!!

At 9 I was tired. Very tired. I was half way!!!

At 10 I walked. I was hot. I had to stop in the shade a couple of times to try and get my heart rate and breathing under control. I was frustrated. I’ve done 10 miles before. More times than I can count on one hand. Ugh!

At 12 miles I returned to my friends. She was gone. I made myself at home, sharing an ice cube or two with the dog. I stretched and relaxed and cooled down for a bit. It was time to keep going.

I’ll admit I walked most of the last six miles. At 13.5 I was pretty sure that time had stopped even though I had not. It had hit 74 degrees at this point. Oh how I miss the 30’s.

At 15.75 I realized my “alternate route” was much further than planned. I was nowhere near home. I was in a community that was shaded (hence it’s draw), but SO confusing to navigate. At one point I was convinced I was trapped. HUGE PHOBIA PEOPLE! I was momentarily panicked! Then I realized I had gone (referencing Garmin here) 15.something miles. I was still in my town. I wasn’t lost. Even if I had to go back and take an alternate route, I could find home. Disaster averted!

16.46 came around and so did the tears. I was frustrated. I should have been done by now. What a failure. How will I ever survive 26.2 miles when I feel so weak right now? CRAP! There are children lying in the street. Pull yourself together. What will people think of a 6 foot woman with sunburned elbows crying as she wanders the streets? (30 something years, never sunburned my elbows before…)  Yes, there were children, on their bellies, lying in the street. There was a garden hose and a sled involved. My sunburned elbows and I just kept going.

I reached home at 17.28 miles. Really?

I refilled my water and filled the bathtub for the dreaded ice bath and went back out to finish up. Around the block I go, averting the neighbors who told my friend I’m a “sweet girl, but we really hope she mows her lawn this year,” as they are out mowing their lawn…

Anyway – HOME!

17.92 :o/

Urg!!! I continue down the street a little further and turn back, ending in my driveway at exactly 18.00!

I’m SO glad to get a re-do on this “run” next week! I will start at 4 am if that’s what it takes to avoid the heat.

Oh – and please forgive me – but I’m praying for rain for Memorial weekend. 

SWEET 16!

Miles, that is!

Yesterday I completed my first 16 mile training run. For some reason this run did not psych me out mentally. Now 18 and 20, those scare me, but 16 I was ready for. Or so I thought!!

See, normally my running buddy and I talk about where we are going to run and almost always we run into each other somewhere in town. Not literally of course. However, this week, the night before our run we scratched our big plan to venture out of our sleepy lil town to run in the big city. So, we each went to bed without a plan. Well, allbedamned if at 3.46 miles I didn’t look up and see my friend at the same intersection! So cool!!!!

After a brief discussion about how poorly I had calculated my intended distance, I foraged on towards 15^th Street. Now there is a portion of 15^th I don’t care for, due to lack of sidewalks and, well, for some reason about a mile or so just seems to feel like it takes forever. Nonetheless I continue on. I get to midtown (?), well, that is what I will call it anyway, and I notice they have the pavement marked every few feet or so. I look down and see a marking that says 26!! No way! That’s what I’m training for! I see 18 and 22 and there is 26 again and again! How cool is that! Okay, I know they aren’t really trying to prop me up for the insane adventure I have committed myself too, but nonetheless I smile every time I see it!

On and on I run. Or walk. Or run. Now due to the aforementioned miscalculation of distances, I’ve run from my house (we’ll say the Atlas Dog Park for those in the know) to 15^th Street to Sherman to 4^th(ish), stopping at a friend’s to potty (thanks friend) and back to my house. Guess what – big ole circle(ish) and only 12.5 miles!!! So I hop in the car and drive back to midtown and head out for 3.5 more.

I thought it was cheating to stop for 10-15 minutes while I relocated my car, I mean this will NOT be an option during the marathon! Well, not so much. My calves had a lot to say about restarting my run!! Ouch!

I wandered around, somewhat aimlessly, to finish my mileage.

At 14.77 I realized I had gone .77 more than ever before! Whoa! I’m tired.

Near the end of the run, I was bummed. Really, I had gone for hours and only found 6 pennies…

I arrived back at my car at 15.84… ugh!

Around the block I go… and what do I find??

Are you kidding me???

16 miles! 31 cents! Phenomenal!

It gets better!!!

You see. My running buddy. This is her 2^nd Marathon. Crazy. I know. She loves it.

She is a true inspiration! When I struggle, she fights. She encourages me to keep going. There is no sugar coating in marathon training. It’s hard. It’s painful. Keep going. You’ll survive.

I arrive back at her house. Alive. Having survived… this is what I’m greeted with…

Mimosa’s and jelly beans and everything I need to revive my very tired feet!! Foot soak and nail polish and the most amazing socks ever!! Oh, and of course a bucket and shovel. I just ran 16 miles. For the fun of it. I’m in no position to ask why I’m being given a bucket and shovel. I do, however, promise it will reappear on the beach, come summer. Probably filled with some fruity refreshing beverage.

What a fantastic day!

I hurt. I’ve taken an ice bath and for the first time since discovering such a torturous activity, it does not take away all my aches.

It seems as though this run last for two days.

You see, today I’m fondly aware of having pushed the boundaries!

My quads speak!

My calves speak!

All day long.

This evening, as I prepare to write this blog, I am bummed that I do not have a picture of the random support of strangers I saw along 15^th Street. So I call up my running buddy for a short walk. Armed with a flashlight (that we forgot) we head down the street. For blocks and blocks there are no markings. My friend asks me if I was sure that’s where I ran. Yes. Yes. I’m sure. And then we see a 25. A 30. 22. 25. 30. 10, I think. We’ve walked blocks and blocks. We’ve almost reached the point where I turned off the street. My friend eludes that I have actually gone crazy. That I was seeing something that didn’t exist.

There it was. In all its glory.

See it?!?!

I’m not crazy!

Well…

I am ready

13 days until the Seattle Half Marathon.
I am ready.

I got a little side tracked for a bit.
Run, I did not.
Getting back into the groove of training was challenging.
I struggle with my weekday runs.
I need more hours in the day.
Daylight hours.
Please.

My long runs though… they are my favorite.
I don’t always feel like running for hours and hours.
Come Sunday morning, it’s get up and go.
There are no excuses.

Some weeks are a struggle.
Ultimately, I’m still upright at the end of it all.
That’s the goal, right?

This week I had to remind myself that there was no point if it was easy.
A lot.
I nearly threw in the towel at 10.
I ran into my friend/mentor/source of inspiration at 9.85 miles.
Not literally, of course.
Her words… “Go finish your miles. You know you can.”
Crap.
She was right.

Apparently I paused my Garmin again at 9.87 miles.
Oops.
I realized it at what I assumed to be a quarter mile later.
Give or take.
I had been busy thinking about why I would even consider not finishing my miles.
I really couldn’t tell you how far I actually ran.
A quarter mile sounds about right.

I managed to get myself turned around in a neighborhood I’ve never run in before.
Perhaps trapped would be the proper term.
Eventually I found my way.

12.2 on the Garmin.
Plus the give or take.
12.something completed today.
And I was going to stop at 10.
Silly me.

And then…
My new sick obsession.
The ice bath.
Okay, obsession is as strong term.
It is my new love-to-hate training tool.

Three long runs ago we tried an ice bath for the first time.
I listened as shrieking came from the bathtub.
Oh yay.
This is what I want to do.

One beer.
That’s how long we agreed to stay in the ice bath.
We’re not allowed to chug it though.
Apparently I’m the one most likely to attempt such a feat.

It turns out one beer is roughly 5 minutes.
After 45 seconds you go numb.
It’s not that bad.
Sitting in a tub of ice water.
Wearing a bathing suit.
And a sweatshirt.
With the hood up.
Arms folded like a pouting child.
Really.
It’s not that bad.

The recovery benefits of an ice bath are phenomenal.
Phe..nom..en..al.
After 10 miles, one should feel some pain.
None.
After 13.1 miles, one should feel some pain.
None.

Yeah, I accidentally completed a half marathon.
During my training for a half marathon.
Without a medal.
Or a questionable t-shirt.
Oops.

To my friend/mentor/source of inspiration.
I am SO excited to get to be at the finish line of your first marathon.
Your hard work truly inspires me.
Your ability to go shopping after a 20 mile long run amazes me.
In heels.
Impressive.
Show off.
;)

Where have I been?

Oh my goodness! I’m not really certain!!

It has been 45 days since my last “race.”

Recall – I don’t actually “race.”

I “finish”!!!!

45. Wow. That’s a lot of days. Now I really don’t know where I’ve been.

Where ever I was, I was in sandals… not running shoes.

I’m not sure what happened.

My first half-marathon was HUGE. I didn’t know if I’d finish.

My second. Well, it was hard. It was hilly. The well trained athletes had a few words for that course. I finished it though. That was my goal. Just finish what I started. I knew I would, because I had finished one half marathon, I could finish them all. No question.

After that, something happened. Motivation left me. Desire left me.

I almost completely stopped running.

I got sad. Very sad. I smiled at everyone. It was an act. I shared with just one friend that I was struggling. I didn’t understand why. A lot had changed in my world. Family-wise mostly. I wasn’t really me.

Then the headaches came. Headaches have been my partner in crime since I was 18. The shoulder started to hurt. Then the leg. I was becoming weak. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

I went 13 days without touching my running shoes. Those were very dark days.

Throughout my month’s hap-hazard training, I stood proud that I had only missed one long run and that was because I was sick! Dressed and ready to run, but not healthy enough to do so.

So here I was. “In training” for a half-marathon and I’d missed another long run (13 days without running = 1 long run and numerous vital training runs).

Something struck me.

I could not, I would not, miss my 10 mile run. Did I know it was stoopid to attempt such a run after two weeks of laziness? Yes. Was I willing (or stubborn) enough to do it anyway? Yes!

The night before my run was crazy! I was excited. Like, race day excited. I jumped out of bed when I realised my Garmin had sat dormant for two weeks! What if it needed to be charged?!?! Oh, and my ipod too! I honestly think I slept better the night before my “race,” than I before this long run!

Two things happened on my 10 mile run. One – My run was fantastic. Two – My run sucked! Yes, I suffered tiredness and aches from not training properly, but more I suffered from the heat. It was 70 when I started and 80 when I finished. I am a Fenway runner (aka – fair weather runner). See Fenway is a dog. With fur. Lots of fur. She doesn’t handle the heat well. She’s sneaky though… acts like she’s gonna sniff something… for a really loooooonnnggg time. Oh hey, look, shade, let’s lay down for a few!!

Okay, I’m not quite that bad. I don’t stop and nap, but I do walk. So the first 4 miles of my run were wonderful! I needed them! After that, well, I needed a scooter. Or a cab. Alas, silly me. I took the Centennial trail – where there are no scooters or cabs – so I walked what I had to, but I finished those 10 miles!

Within 30 minutes of completing my run, I felt refreshed and new! I didn’t smell so fresh and new, but I didn’t care. I felt accomplished! I felt excited!

That night I registered for Iron Girl Seattle, a 10k, and the Sandpoint Scenic Half. As I do with all things that excite me, I blabbed about it on Facebook. Oh my goodness! The people that “liked” my status… People I never heard from. People I forgot were there. Wow the support! Feed my excitement, why don’t ya’?!?!

Then this morning (well, technically yesterday morning, as it is nearly 5 am and I’ve been up 22+ hours, but that’s another story)… So, the next morning I got an email from the Sandpoint Half Marathon Committee and my heart skipped a beat with excitement. I had forgotten all the encouragement and reminders that are forced upon you when you make such a commitment.

I was unbelievably excited!

A dear friend of mine woke to a text about how excited I was over this email.

I’m glad my friends love me for being easily amused!!

Tonight I updated my calendar, which shows all my scheduled runs through September. I have THREE half marathons in the next 3 months. Did I mention that? I can’t wait. 3-for-3. Crazy fun!

Then, I got to watch a friend update her calendar - runs and all! She’s about to begin training for a FULL marathon! I’m SO excited!!! The great news is, she’s such a faster runner than I am, we’ll be on different plans but finish at the same time! Did someone say beer? ;)

So. I still don’t really know where I’ve been.

But…

I’m back.

And…

I ‘m headed to Sandpoint. Spokane. Seattle.

3-for-3.

I. Cannot. Wait.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Too the one person out there that I know will read this, who is having a baby on Friday – well, that is FAR cooler than anything I’ve blithered on about here. Congratulations! I’m very excited for you and your family! Thank you for ALL of your encouragement :)

Life, Thoughts, and a Terrier!

I’ve had A LOT of time to think lately. Scary, right?!?! I realised that I have not had this much ME time in over 10 years. Some days the silence is startling! See, I am a busy body! Years ago one job wasn’t enough, so I had two! Then I decided on one job plus school. Then one job plus two schools – yes, at the same time! Then came the nieces… but you know that story!

I’d been busy.

Now… not so much!

It’s weird.

I’ve allowed my brain to venture out of its comfort zone. I’ve allowed it to consider such things as moving… you know, away… My subconscious has paid me back ten-fold for some of these thoughts! I mean, how many times in one week can you wake from a nightmare that you left your best friend’s two year old daughter unattended… again?!?!? Okay, okay, I get it. Move, I will not!

Until I figure out what’s next. I’ll make the most of each day.

Today – TGIF!!!

You see, we have a tradition at work of reading our horrorscopes. I’ve been rather concerned that the author of said horrorscopes is going thru some type of crisis, because everyone’s outlook has been quite bleak for months! (Seriously, how can everyone be having a two star day, ever y day?) Dear author redeemed themselves today with a GREAT horrorscope!!

CANCER (June 21-July 22) • • • • • Your creativity and energy mark your decisions. You seem to have an answer for nearly any problem. A group of friends is already in weekend mode.

I’ve been on the fence about some things… some ideas… they’d require a lot of creativity and energy! I’m gonna take this as a sign that I should move forward… give my ideas a go! Wish me luck!!!

I’m not sure I have any answers, but YES all my friends are in weekend mode! The weather is PHENOMENAL and there is a very important birthday this weekend! A birthday of which I might have procrastinated in preparing for… might… have… but no one will ever know… except anyone reading this…

Did I mention how PHENOMENAL the weather has been? I wanted to make the most of this warm summer evening, so I took dumb & dumber for a walk. They were horrible! Luke pulled and pulled and pulled on the leash and Miyo tried to roll on everything in an effort to rub the Halti off her head. It’s never worked before, but she’s determined some day it will come right off!

About half a mile from the house I hear someone scream ‘STOP’!

Okay! Okay! We stopped!

Then I saw it. At speeds of at least 100 mph, came the most fierce three pound terrier… until she realised she had just charged upon 125 pounds of black lab and came to a screeching halt!

Right.

In the middle.

Of Atlas Road.

Atlas is a busy road. No one does the speed limit. EVER!

Pocket dog’s child is now standing on the other side of the street staring at her dog. I grab dumb & dumber and pull them further away from the road, trying to lure the dog to come attack us… you know, over here, in the weeds, away from the cars.

Yes, I’m pretty sure I told the little pocket dog to attack us. “Come here little one, attack the big dogs. Come on. You can do it. Come on.”

Yep. Tonight dumb & dumber met dumbest! I’m just not certain that the little dog with big dreams and possibly poor vision is the one that earned that title…

Oh… if you’re wondering… yes, the little dog finally came within reach and the child’s father came to retrieve it…

Then my day went from successful to magical!!

I went to see my best friend and her girls… you know the two year old that I keep abandoning in my dreams… Guess what happened when I walked in??

Lil’ Miss said “Dee”!!!!!!!!!

I know. I know. It’s an easy name. Children learn to talk. Life goes on.

With Lil’ Miss, every new milestone is monumental! TSC is an unpredictable disease. We never know what to expect each day. We delight in the little things, because we are beyond grateful that she gets to experience them!

To wrap the night… on my way home… I saw the brightest shooting star ever! I watched in amazement. I was so captivated; I forgot to make a wish! I figured “better late than never” and tossed a wish out there anyway!

It’d share it with you, but then it won’t come true.

It was a really good one!

Just like this day was… and tomorrow will be :)

Closing A Chapter...

On a Friday in August of 2002, I received a call from Child Protective Services in New Mexico. They had my niece and her half-sister in foster care because their mother had been running a meth lab out of their apartment. The following Monday I traveled to Albuquerque for a two hour visitation with the two little girls I had not seen in almost 8 years! They were 13 and 9… they had only been 5 and 1 ½ when their mother moved them away with no forwarding address. Slightly timid, the oldest seemed to remember me. The little one I had only met twice, but she didn’t seem to care. I was family and I came for her, she couldn’t have hugged me tighter!

I was young and single and barely making minimum wage. I couldn’t raise these girls. My parents were settled – Dad retired, Mom working a job she enjoyed at the time. They agreed to take the girls. In February 2003 my niece came to Idaho to live with the family. Her sister stayed behind to try and reclaim a life with her mother, who had promised to clean up her act and make things right. Sadly, she was unable to keep that promise. In August of that year our Idaho family added a 10 year old! In May of 2008 life was spiced up a bit more when the now 15 year old moved in with me!

The years were filled with fun times! Birthdays. Holidays. Great report cards. Some not-so-great report cards. Science projects. Choir concerts. Girl Scouts. The adoption that made them my little sisters instead of my nieces. First boyfriends. First dances. Drivers ed. Learning to drive a stick shift. Road trips. First jobs. First cars. And one long sought after graduation!

All the while, they were still teenage girls! At times I truly believed that teenage girls were a gift from the devil himself. We had the typical teenager issues… but some days we had much more. Runaways. Hospital stays. Theft. Lying. Lots of lying.

We knew we were getting girls from a very abusive environment. We knew we were getting girls with exposure to terrors we’d never imagined possible. We knew things wouldn’t be easy, but we hoped we had enough love and faith to get them through.

We learned that we got girls that refused help. At various points we tried different types of therapy and counseling and peer mentoring, but both girls resisted everything. We learned that we got girls who could not handle rules and boundaries. We learned that we got girls who had to fall hard before they would learn.

We are still learning that these girls need more help than we could ever give. Both of them young adults now… both making terrible decisions that break our hearts… both needing to be set free to stumble and fall… both needing to be forced to pick themselves up…

As helpless children, I rushed to their side when they needed me.

As foolish adults, I now must step away.

This is hard.

Very hard.

I must close this chapter of my life. I must allow them to make their mistakes. I must forgo the feelings of failure and guilt. I must not question if I wasted my time. I must know that no matter what road I had taken in my life, today was my scheduled day to cry. I must accept that they chose the dark paths they are on. I must keep hope that they will someday realise the error of their ways. I must always keep hope…