On a Friday in August of 2002, I received a call from Child Protective Services in New Mexico. They had my niece and her half-sister in foster care because their mother had been running a meth lab out of their apartment. The following Monday I traveled to Albuquerque for a two hour visitation with the two little girls I had not seen in almost 8 years! They were 13 and 9… they had only been 5 and 1 ½ when their mother moved them away with no forwarding address. Slightly timid, the oldest seemed to remember me. The little one I had only met twice, but she didn’t seem to care. I was family and I came for her, she couldn’t have hugged me tighter!
I was young and single and barely making minimum wage. I couldn’t raise these girls. My parents were settled – Dad retired, Mom working a job she enjoyed at the time. They agreed to take the girls. In February 2003 my niece came to Idaho to live with the family. Her sister stayed behind to try and reclaim a life with her mother, who had promised to clean up her act and make things right. Sadly, she was unable to keep that promise. In August of that year our Idaho family added a 10 year old! In May of 2008 life was spiced up a bit more when the now 15 year old moved in with me!
The years were filled with fun times! Birthdays. Holidays. Great report cards. Some not-so-great report cards. Science projects. Choir concerts. Girl Scouts. The adoption that made them my little sisters instead of my nieces. First boyfriends. First dances. Drivers ed. Learning to drive a stick shift. Road trips. First jobs. First cars. And one long sought after graduation!
All the while, they were still teenage girls! At times I truly believed that teenage girls were a gift from the devil himself. We had the typical teenager issues… but some days we had much more. Runaways. Hospital stays. Theft. Lying. Lots of lying.
We knew we were getting girls from a very abusive environment. We knew we were getting girls with exposure to terrors we’d never imagined possible. We knew things wouldn’t be easy, but we hoped we had enough love and faith to get them through.
We learned that we got girls that refused help. At various points we tried different types of therapy and counseling and peer mentoring, but both girls resisted everything. We learned that we got girls who could not handle rules and boundaries. We learned that we got girls who had to fall hard before they would learn.
We are still learning that these girls need more help than we could ever give. Both of them young adults now… both making terrible decisions that break our hearts… both needing to be set free to stumble and fall… both needing to be forced to pick themselves up…
As helpless children, I rushed to their side when they needed me.
As foolish adults, I now must step away.
This is hard.
Very hard.
I must close this chapter of my life. I must allow them to make their mistakes. I must forgo the feelings of failure and guilt. I must not question if I wasted my time. I must know that no matter what road I had taken in my life, today was my scheduled day to cry. I must accept that they chose the dark paths they are on. I must keep hope that they will someday realise the error of their ways. I must always keep hope…
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